SPIRITUALITY AND FAITH

Topic:

In This Session:

Stories about Spirituality
Read about the stories of Gina, Kathy and Rose follow their search for spiritual connections in the face of advanced illness.

We are coming to realize that spirituality is of the utmost importance at the end of life. It may be found in the connections, relationships and meanings that give life passion, commitment and hope. Spirituality is that which ultimately concerns people when they are dying and life is put in perspective. It is at the core of all religions, and, in one form or another, it’s the comfort most people turn to when they realize they are about to enter an unknown place.

About the Authors:

Martha Rutland-Wallis, D. Min., is Director of Clinical Pastoral Education at VITAS Healthcare in Miami, Florida and a United Methodist minister. She is adjunct faculty at the South Florida Center for Theological Studies and has served as pastor in six churches and chaplain in three hospital systems.

Hugh Maddry, M.Div., DRE, is the Deputy Director of the Veterans Health Administration's National Chaplain Service. Dr. Maddry has served as Adjunct Faculty at a number of theological seminaries as well as on the faculty of the East Tennessee State University Quillen College of Medicine. Prior to his career with the VA, Dr. Maddry was a Director of Pastoral Care for a large Regional medical center and a Pastor for several United Methodist churches in Virginia and North Carolina.

Readings:

In death, spirituality can deepen meaning of life

By Martha Rutland-Wallis and Hugh Maddry

Gina Pavone knows her time on earth is running short. Without a cure for the ovarian cancer that has spread to her liver, doctors said she has one, two, maybe three years left to live.
She’s scared, but she is also ready because of a spiritual belief system that assures her life doesn’t end at death.
“It’s very hard to face death when you’re really not sure what’s out there,” she said. “And, while I think you have to look at it, you can’t dwell on it.”
It took every religious lesson she’s ever learned and every spiritual occurrence she’s ever heard about, read about or experienced to get to this point.
“For the first six months after I was diagnosed, I just laid on the couch with my dog,” said Pavone, 54, of Troy, Mich. “When I wasn’t sleeping, I was reading spiritual books. I think I was looking for a way to get closer to God. I was looking to believe that (God) was going to take care of me.”
Raised Catholic, Pavone said she strayed from the church after childhood, but is still grounded by some of its teachings. She also calls upon all her spiritual senses for strength.
“I really needed to know why I was here,” she said. “I think we all ask that question.”
That question is answered in many different ways because spirituality has many different faces. It is at the core of all religions, and, in one form or another, it’s the comfort most people turn to when they realize they are about to enter an unknown place.
“We are coming to realize that spirituality is of the utmost importance at the end of life,” said Rev. Kevin Calloway, who works with St. Paul African Methodist Episcopal Church in Olathe, Kan. “It is that which ultimately concerns us. When someone knows they are dying, life is put in perspective.”
Spirituality may be found in the connections, relationships and meanings that give life passion, commitment and hope — a poetry writing group, a 12-step program, love of nature, meditation. It can come through a personal relationship with a higher power, but it can also be tapped via contemplation, art or music.
John Rudd, spiritual care coordinator at Hospice of Bluegrass in Lexington, Ky., oversees a training program that teaches chaplains to better understand how spirituality, as opposed to religion, relate to death and dying. Rudd said it’s important for the religious community to respect the differences in people’s spirituality.
“It’s interesting to see how many people are not associated with any church or group but do have a deep spiritual connection and awareness and strive for a relationship with their higher existence,” he said.
Some find deep reservoirs of faith they never even suspected were there. Karen Boland, associate pastor of the Unity Church of Today in Warren, Mich., has seen this happen frequently. An end-of-life diagnosis, she says, can send people into “a mad-dash search” that leads them into a realization that there are deeper truths. And the realization, though sudden, is profound.
“Sometimes it’s those people who can jump deeper in an instant than those who have been searching for years,” said Boland.
Where they land can be in any direction, including back to a faith they thought they had long ago given up.
“A deep religious faith and being involved in a faith community makes a difference for those with serious or terminal illness,” said Dr. Harold G. Koenig, author of “The Healing Power of Faith” and a professor at Duke University. “Research shows that such involvement is related to less depression and anxiety, greater well being and higher quality of life. It may also be linked with stronger immune functioning, lower blood pressures and longer survival.”
Despite that, confronting death, much less delving into its meaning, is not encouraged in America.
“We live in a death-denying culture,” Rudd said. “We know in the back of
our minds that it’s going to happen but we don’t practice it too often. It’s a one-time life event and our culture teaches us that it’s way down the road.”
Truth be known, said Boland, “Everyone of us is standing in the exit line.
And we don’t know where in the line we are. … Children die before parents, parents die before grandparents. . . . It’s that randomness that adds to the fear.”
For some, this is the time of fist-shaking at God, overwhelming fear of physical pain and worry about loved ones who will be left behind. When that initial shock wears off, people really want to talk about what they’ve accomplished in life and all that has been left undone.
Pavone said during the “crying” period, she had a lot of questions as well, questions such as, “Why me?”
In Rich Lech’s case, it was, “Why not me?” according to his wife, Kathy Lech.
For 41-year-old Kathy, strong religious beliefs have provided the most strength during her husband’s long-term illness with brain cancer. But her husband is an atheist.
“When people used to say he should thank God that doctors found his cancer early, he said, ‘I don’t thank God. I thank Aristotle, because he’s the one who invented the scientific method that will help save my life.’”
But, said Kathy Lech, “I know the Holy Spirit has come down for us both. Rich is getting special help whether he knows it or not.”
Lech said she has been secretly hoping that her husband, who is now receiving hospice care, would change his thinking.
No matter, she said. “Someday, I will go up to him (in heaven) and say, ‘I told you so.’”
While some are secure in their one faith, some find searching and blending to be the answer.
That was the case for Rose Thomason. A writer from Palm Coast, Fla., who had followed a diverse spiritual path, she found all of them comforting when, at age 60, she was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer.
She found nourishment in a variety of spiritual traditions, including the Christianity she had grown up with. She was drawn to the contemplative traditions of both East and West. She practiced kum nye, a Buddhist form of body prayer, similar to yoga. She meditated regularly.
Above all, she delved into her own soul through her writing. When she was diagnosed, she kept a journal that was later published as a book, “Shoring Up My Soul: A Year with Cancer.” In it, she described the connection between spirituality and dying: “Facing death focuses the viewer,” she wrote, “clarifying the soul, and rendering the membranes thin between spirit and matter.”
Toward the end of her life, her son, Mark, recalls the family sitting quietly at Rose’s bedside. Each was praying silently. A Jamaican woman from Rose’s church circle came, bringing her whole family. She asked Mark to offer a prayer for healing. Mark agreed, and was startled when the Jamaican family gathered round the bed, touching Rose and praying loudly. Quickly, he felt the power of this ceremony, a traditional laying on of hands. “I didn’t understand it all,” he explained, “but it felt good.”
While spiritual leaders agree that dying could very well be a profoundly positive experience, they understand human fears about it. The notion of death takes away control, often leaving behind struggles with hopelessness and helplessness.
“We start asking, ‘What’s the use?’” Boland said, “and that’s typically when the search for meaning in their life begins.”
While Pavone is convinced that “there is more after the life on earth,” she is not ready to leave her body just yet.
Now on her third set of chemotherapy drugs, her tumors are shrinking, offering hope for a longer life. But in the end, she said, “You have to get over the numbers and start concentrating on living.”
Pavone is doing just that by moving to New York to be closer to her family. She and her boyfriend just purchased a house on Lake Champlain in Vermont, where they plan to spend time.
“I don’t know what God’s got in store for me,” she said. “And I’m certainly not pushing any buttons. I just go through the routine, get my chemotherapy and all the blood tests.”
When her mind wanders to scary places, “I think, I sit and I talk to God. There is nothing in between us.”

2001, Partnership for Caring, Inc.
Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.

Tips:

Consider this a true once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. For those facing the end of life, this precious time holds out a chance to explore spiritual destinies and question the role of spirituality, faith or religion in your life. At the core of all religions is an attempt to answer age-old questions about the meaning of life. Many who grew up in a particular faith look deeper into the teachings of that religion when they see death coming nearer. But you don’t have to take on a specific religion to find meaning.

Here are some questions that can start you on your journey for answers:

Why do I have to face such a difficult situation?
Why am I being tested this way?
Where is my God or Higher Power in all this suffering?
What is the meaning of my life?
Who am I?
What happens after I die?
Where did I come from? Where am I going?
Do I have a soul?
What is my relationship with God or a Higher Power?
How can I come to peace with God or a Higher Power?

Discussion Questions:

Gina Pavone “calls upon all her spiritual senses for strength.” Identify personal sources for spiritual strength in your own life. Recall the definition of spirituality: “the connections, relationships, meanings that give life passion, commitment and hope.” Discuss with loved ones your songs, poetry, art, symbols, rituals, religious writings, sacred places, precious people, significant communities.
Rose Thomason writes “death focuses life.” In a last year, she wrote and published a book. She describes how she wants to be remembered. Review your life. Consider your relationships, your goals, your current path, and your spiritual connections. Discover where you need to deepen roots or risk wings of flight toward renewing your soul.
Rich and his wife understood differently what happens at the end of life. What different religious orientations are there among your family and friends? How comfortable are you with these differences? (Paul McCartney of the Beatles wrote the popular song Let It Be after his mother’s death. Can you let the differences be as well?)
Think back over the rituals important to people in this article: laying on of hands, 12-step programs, creative writing groups, etc. Koenig tells how these contribute to health. What rituals hold meaning for you? What communities ground you in life’s meaningfulness? Are there connections that need to nourish or enrich your sacred path?

Points and Observations:

Each of the dying persons and all of the family members mentioned understand what happens at the end a little differently. Name the particular concepts expressed by Gina, by Rich, by Rich’s wife, by Rose, and by her son Mark. What does your religion teach? What are some ways in which you are alike and are different as you find your own way at the end of life? How has your understanding changed through the years? Those who are dying teach us how these concepts significantly influence our hopefulness in the living of life.
Rose remained centered in the Christian tradition while she explored and integrated several aspects of Eastern spirituality. Are there relationships that foster your continued growth, your passion for life, and your investment in the future? Taking time to honor and nurture these relationships and connections is essential to health and well being along the way. How do you make space for newness, for creativity, for beauty as the Native American tradition reminds us?

References:

Kushner, H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people. New York: Avon Books. A Jewish Rabbi shares his thoughts as he deals with the dying and death of his young son. The book has very readable responses to common questions of faith when one feels deeply committed and finds life terribly wounding.
Lewis, C.S. (1976). A grief observed. San Francisco: Harper. This book is a classic description of grief and the theological questions from a Christian tradition that often emerge. The depth of love that changed his life and faith are touching. A basic understanding of how healing grows in the valley of suffering is graphically articulated. An easily available popular movie with Anthony Hopkins tells this story dramatically: Shadowlands.
Rupp, J. (1988). Praying our good-byes. New York: Ballantine Books. When her 23-year-old brother drowned, Joyce found healing in poetry, scripture, song, art, and the beauty of the earth. She invites the reader through questions and reflections to learn about their own losses and use them as foundations for hope and renewal of their own faith. Useful as a study book for group discussions. The book deals with a wide variety of losses reminding us that goodbye means "God Be With You."
Brener, A. (1993). Mourning and mitzvah: A guided journal for walking the mourners path through grief to healing. Jewish Lights Publishers. When her sister died in an automobile accident, Anne found herself reflecting upon what religious resources in her heritage might serve her well. She invites the reader to journal from their tradition using as a framework the concerns addressed in her own faith.
Brice, C. (1999). Lead me home again: An African Americans guide through the grief journey. Avon Books. When a loved one dies, we embark on a journey that is marked by anguish, confusion, fear, and loneliness. For African Americans, the grief journeys often include more complicated and painful emotions. Carleen Brice gently guides you through the strange terrain of grief to promise of home- a place where we have not only survived our losses, but are wiser and stronger because of them. She shares her personal story of loss and recovery, as well as the stories of others, so that you will know that you are not alone.
Thomason, R. (2000). .Shoring up my soul: A year with cancer. Infinity Publishing. This book was written by one of the people in the article. Graphics, poetry, and humor highlight the ways in which the seashore, relationships, and faith come together to nourish the body and soul in facing illness and death. From diagnosis to renewal, the phases of discouragement and hope are uplifting, inspiring, and thought provoking in a deeply joyous delight in life and love.
Williams, T. (1991). Refuge: An unnatural history of family and place. Vintage Books. A naturalist from the Mormon tradition writes about her mother and grandmothers death and dying of breast cancer as well as her own diagnosis. Each chapter is based upon the life of a bird at the refuge.
Kessler, D. (1997). The rights of the dying: A companion for life's final moments. New York: Harper Collins. .Environmental issues and feminism creatively guide her to discover new understandings of her own faith roots. This is a book for people dealing with life-challenging diseases, but even more so for spouses and companions, parents and children, siblings and friends. The book outlines seventeen rights of the dying; principles that will help people face death with dignity.
Levine, S. (1998, reprint). A year to live: How to live this year as if it were our last. New York: Three Rivers Press. The author teaches us how to live each moment, each hour, each day mindfully-as if it were all that was left. The book is an exercise that gives us the opportunity to deal with unfinished business and enter into a new and vibrant relationship with life. Stephen Levine provides us with a year-long program of intensely practical strategies and powerful guided meditations to help with this work, so that whenever the ultimate moment does arrive for each of us, we will not feel that it has come too soon.
Westberg, G. (1961). Good grief. Chicago: Fortress Press. Granger Westberg was a Lutheran Pastor, hospital chaplain, and teacher who died of leukemia in 1999 at the age of 85. Out of a series of sermons on grief, he wrote this book as a trusted, helpful resource for grieving persons. It is a thoughtful, practical guide to help others experience a healthy, creative bereavement process

Links: You must be connected to the internet for these links to work.

Ethical Wills
Offers a way to leave your legacy by writing down your values and beliefs.
www.ethicalwill.com

Compassion Sabbath
An interfaith initiative to help clergy and congregations minister to seriously ill and dying people.
1021-1025 Jefferson St.
Kansas City, MO 64105
816 221-1100
www.midbio.org/cs/index.htm

Gilda's Club Worldwide
Offers emotional and social support to those living with cancer and their families.
5 Madison Ave., Suite 609
New York, NY 10016
(212) 686-9898
www.gildasclub.org

Supportive Care of the Dying: A Coalition for Compassionate Care
A non-profit coalition committed to bring about cultural change regarding pain and symptom management and relief of suffering for persons living with and affected by life- threatening illness.
c/o Providence Health System
4805 NE Glisan St., 2E07
Portland, OR 97213
(503) 215-5053
www.careofdying.org

National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization
Provides a search for hospice and palliative care, as well as statistics, resources and information.
1700 Diagonal Road, Suite 300
Alexandria, VA 22314
(703) 837-1500
www.nhpco.org

American Association of Pastoral Counselors
Provides information about pastoral counseling, resources and a searchable directory of pastoral counselors.
9504-A Lee Highway
Fairfax, VA 22031
(703) 385-6967
www.aapc.org

Provided by Hospicecare.com